So, I was asked to give my take on why some (not all) guys don't commit. I don't mind speaking on it, but be assured, I ALWAYS examine both sides of the coin.
1) I want a man to take care of me.
Read as: I want a man to know exactly what I want, when I want it, how I want it, and when to give it to me. Which somehow is 5 minutes before the thought has even formulated in my mind. When I've had a bad day, don't tell me "look on the bright side" or "it's not that bad". In my eyes, it's BAD. In that moment, indulge my misery, and anticipate my every need. Don't wait 'till I say "I need a drink". Have one waiting for me when I get home. Don't wait 'till I ask to have my shoulders rubbed. Lay me down - GENTLY - and do your best to massage my troubles away. It doesn't have to be perfect. I just need to know you care enough to try. Regarding my physical needs, ladies had better be able to stand on there own 2 feet before they even consider trying to land a man. This is not about no "Independent Lady" bull sh*t. This is about, what if you're man drops dead and you need to hold down the fort on your own. You better have some finances and some knowledge to do so. Or what you are is a liability, and not a girlfriend/wife. Physical needs also include the s-e-x part. From giddy-up, you need to be clear with your man about what you like. If your man says he doesn't snack on kitty, and you know damn well that it's a deal breaker....do NOT bullsh*t. Be up front that this is a requirement, or else you will always feel jipped. And that sh*t shows in your *screwface* every time y'all make night time movements. I'm jussayin'.
2) Why won't he marry me?
I'm going to be straight up about this. A man's first love is his mother. So unless you learn to do things as good as or better than his Mama, you are in an unspoken competition to prove yourself. Mama did his laundry, cooked for him, gave him money, licked his wounds, etc. long before you came along...and he didn't have to necessarily put in any effort to garner that....but with YOU now....he has to actually do something to get you to wash his dirty drawers or make his favorite meal. YOU'RE LYING if you say you'd do that shit for free. Even if all you want is for him to pay you some attention, know that this will take away from video-game playing, football watching and other testosterone driven activities. Similarly, if you emulate the negative qualities of his mother's; nagging, complaining, victimizing, interfering, etc....then you stand even less of a chance of reeling him in. I'll be frank, I am saying all this only because it is YOU ladies who are asking the question of "why won't he commit". If you didn't care if he did or not, then do not subject yourself to this balancing act.
3) He refuses to stop communicating with his EX.
If he refuses to stop speaking with his EX, then guess what? He's just not that into you. I have a personal rule about this. If:
a) the previous girlfriend was never a friend before they dated, then NO friendship is going to miraculously blossom post-relationship. It just spells "sympathy fcuk" all over it!
b) If you in any way played a role in their break-up, as in there was a little overlap between you and the previous girl.....then out of respect for all involved parties, he needs to sever those ties. If he doesn't, sorry to say ladies, but the joke's on you. The ONLY case where communication is mandatory (and ladies I impore you, DO NOT place any barriers to this) is with his baby mom's. I would put a my foot in any b*tches ass that prevented me from speaking with my child's father. We are terrific parents, and our children come first. Period. If Baby Mom's is a crazy b*tch, then let yo' man take care of that. It's his problem anyways, NOT yours.
4) My biological clock is ticking
Ladies measure the increments of their life in biological minutes. Men measure in financial minutes. So the equivalent of you reaching 35 with no man and no child in sight, is the same as a man hitting 35 who hasn't found his career niche in life. You panic about running out of time, he panics about missing the money boat. As far as men are concerned, sperm doesn't stop being viable until about 70, so they have plenty of time. If you want a child so badly, and you can't compromise somewhat with you're honey's timetable, then I suggest you do like Madonna, and adopt one. Conversely, men who drag their feet getting their finances in order because of said dependencies on (refer to point #2), then DO NOT expect to have a girlfriend. Have a jump-off instead, and make sure that it is clear between you both.
I think this may have to be a two parter...because there are some other points that I wouldn't mind addressing.