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Thursday, November 26, 2009

Just Eat Chocolate Instead


“Calvin: Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man? Hobbes: I'm not sure that man needs the help” - Calvin and Hobbes

“Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.” - Sam Levenson


"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation, but would like it to keep in touch." - Robert Orben 

The consequence of temptation is as old as mankind.  It does not matter who tasted the forbidden fruit first, it only matters that both Adam AND Eve nyammed on that apple, and both their rahtid souls got kicked out of the The Garden of Eden.  Honestly, wouldn't it have just been easier to have just eaten some chocolate?

Why is it that when as a species, mankind is equipped with the ability to discern right from wrong, but yet as if blood supply is abruptly severed from your cerebrum, whenever presented with 2 options, one having no consequence albeit a little boring, and the other bearing great excitement but accompanied by nuclear fallout, many people just do not have the willpower to just............eat chocolate instead.

Temptation has reared it's ugly head throughout our lives.  In childhood, it was present when your mother specifically told you not to dip your finger into the icing, and you did anyway.  You were grocery shopping with the family, and when you hit the "treats" aisle, a bag of Skittles found it's way into your coat pocket.  As a teenager, how many times did you tell your parents you were doing homework at the library, when really you were at the mall with your friends. You just got your Learner's Permit, and your mom's car keys were beckoning you to go for a spin while she slept in preparation for her night shift (oh snap!  Maybe that was just me - I think I just baited myself).  

Anyhow, now we are grown up and the consequences of giving into temptation are much greater.  What may seem like an innocent and private endeavor between two (or more) people that albeit is WRONG and can have grave repercussions (including hurting unknowing bystanders) now has the possibility in the blink of an eye (or the click of a button - see photo above) to be the greatest public humiliation of your life.  It goes w/o saying that as normal warm-blooded mammals, man's greatest temptation as I have stated before is "the p*ssy".  So while great men (and women) have the scruples to make wise business decisions, preach (er, I mean teach *side eye*) respectable lessons to their children, and for the most part lead exemplary lives.....when it comes to temptations of the flesh, people act a fool and lose they damn minds.

The most glaring example of this, is married people who cheat (and those that cheat with married people).  Why, tell me why, when a man has a p*ssy betrothed to him, a p*ssy that was the ish when y'all were dating, even better when y'all lived together, the crowning glory when you got her pregnant, and enticing enough to want to still dip in sooner than the 6 week threshold after childbirth.....would you then want to RUIN the amazing life that the two of you have built together by chasing new p*ssy? (Sidebar: First, chasing "new" p*ssy does not make your wife's p*ssy "old".  YOU made it "old" because you fcuked the shit out of it and gave her 4 kids!  And second, the "new" p*ssy you're chasing is not "new", only "new" to you.  Truth is, any girl whose going to allow herself to be caught by a married man has a "p*ssy" older than the Dead Sea Scrolls). #jussayin'.

But yet, in the moment of temptation, resistance evades you.  And the 5 minutes of awkward grinding in a car (or if he and she are true skets, in the marital bed) become worth the life destruction that will ensue if you were ever to get caught.  

Temptation comes in many forms. I guess by now it's no secret that I enjoy a cocktail or two when I go out.  But my neurons are working just fine to tell me when enough is enough, lest I find myself praying to the porcelain God (which we can safely say is not behaviour that I practice).  How about when a colleague leaves their email open?  Does that give you a free pass to casually take a lil' peak?  You find a wallet on the bus with $500 cash inside and ID telling you whom it belongs to.  Do you hesitate while trying to decide if you should pocket the cash?  Bet you didn't know that Pandora's Box was actually a jar?  So as children we got caught with our hands in the "cookie jar".  Now we are faced with the curiosity of Pandora's.
Final thought: We aren't dealing with Skittles anymore, so next time you are faced with the pull of temptation, just eat chocolate instead.
(If you find you are tempted by p*ssy (or d*ck) that's not yours, maybe try this instead).





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1 comment:

@Kerr2go said...

And She's done it again... lawd do you ever write bad blogs ?? it'd be nice to see just one maybe lol well actually scratch that cuz den i wouldn't wanna read it :o)