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Friday, July 16, 2010

No Need for a Maid

I hear people talking about it all the time.  You get to a point in your life where you really need to take stock of the people and circumstances in your life, and ask yourself some hard questions.
  • Does this relationship have a positive impact on your life?
  • Am I relaxed in this relationship, or am I always stressed out?
  • Do I share common values with this person? 
  • Am I happy to see this person, or not?
  • Has this person been a financial burden to me?
  • Do I condone the things that this person does?
  • How will my life change if this person was not in my life?
So, maybe the wording of the questions is a little different for you when you ask them to yourself, but you get the jist.  At some point, we are all in desperate need of some "emotional housecleaning".  And the only person that can effectively carry this task out is: YOU!  When I started blogging last year, it was my mandate to use my experiences to help those less comfortable to discuss their life hurdles as article posts so that quite simply, with love and humour, I could show you that we all go through the same dumb shit, sometimes we need others experience to see into ourselves, and most importantly to teach you that it's OK to laugh at yourself and find some humour in every situation.  We need that, life's too short. 

Today, I was forced to make some very bold declarations of what I believe "friendship" is because someone whom I thought was my friend has not done a terrific job of living up to that title.  Sadly, they couldn't see that they weren't being a very good friend to me because (big surprise), they're used to getting their own way, and therefore was not attempting to see anything through my eyes until it was too late.  My loyalty and soft heart led me to tolerate much more than what I should have.  But as my horoscope says, "SCORPIO: Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end." 

Here are some of the statements I shared about "friendship" that I clearly needed to re-iterate:
  • Friendship is not a one-way street. If it is, I'm fully throwing it into reverse. (via @darlingnicky999)
  • Friendship is about being able to talk about the hard stuff as effortlessly as the good stuff. It's called trust. (via @darlingnicky999)
  • Friendship is a simple thing like taking your friend's car through the car wash simply b/c they overheard you say it was dirty. (via @darlingnicky999)
  • Friendship doesn't make unreasonable demands on your time. Friendship doesn't have deadlines. Work does. (via @darlingnicky999)
  • Friendship is helping one another to accomplish each other's goals. (via @darlingnicky999)
  • Friendship is about listening AND hearing what the other has to stay. Not just allowing them to speak. (via @darlingnicky999)
  • Friendship should have NO strings attached. If it does, it's not a friendship, it's a puppet show. (via @darlingnicky999)
  • Friendship should not involve s-e-x. If it does, you're not friends, you're lovers. (via @darlingnicky999)
  • Friendship is supposed to make you feel good. About yourself, about others, about the world around you. (via @darlingnicky999)
So, very sadly I had to re-define the parameters of this friendship, or terminate.  Those were (are) the options. So I did what any sane and civilized person would do in this situation.....I blocked them on Twitter. (okay, if you follow me on Twitter you will know exactly why that is so funny). But seriously, do unto others as you would have done unto you.  So, I explained with great honesty why the friendship as it stood was not working for me, and that if my wishes weren't going to be taken into consideration at least in part, then the friendship would dissolve.  A good friend is like a comfortable shoe.  It fits perfectly.  If it's too tight (read as: controlling) it's not going to work.  If it's too loose (read as: neglectful) it's not going to work.  

Final thoughts:
Friendship should be transparent, with no hidden agendas, no alterior motives.  The moment that the balance shifts, honesty is the ONLY thing that can save it.  So...if you're friend wins the lottery, and you decide to step up your interaction with hopes of scoring a piece of those winnings....go stick your head in the oven because nobody is that stupid.  If you suddenly decide you are in love with your friend, tell them, because your friend knows you very well and will figure it out on their own.  If your friend makes it big on TV or radio, and you want some of the spotlight, be honest about your ambitions.  Do not package an agenda in the wrapping of friendship.  You'll lose the friend and the opportunity.  If you're life is dirty with foes disguised as friends, maybe you need to do some housecleaning.  No need for a maid, you can handle it yourself.  

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