F.E.A.R.S. - Fcuk Everything Appearing Really Scary

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” - Fulton Oursler

“Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop.” - Unknown

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it” - Unknown

BOO! (Gee, why so scared?  A little jumpy I see.)

Fear is an ugly cancer that plagues our society and our generation. It's more putrid than that pus-filled zit you had on your forehead last month. Fear is so crippling, even a wheelchair proves to be useless.  From slight aversions, to straight up phobias, fear surrounds us, envelopes us, suffocates us.  And what the heck is everybody so scared of?

Failure

By a landlside, the overwhelming majority of people are afraid of failure.  Of trying something, and not being successful at it, and thus disappointing ourselves and those around us.  Imagine taking a big business risk where there were no guarantees, but the payout BIG if you were successful (such as the owner of the first Burger King trying to go up against heavy-hitting McDonald's).  If he could just break through that monopoly, and get consumers to see that you really can "have it your way", then maybe, just maybe, generations to come would have a relevant alternative to "two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun". 

Repercussion

Sometimes people are scared to take a risk because they are afraid of the consequences that may come.  Like the worker who doesn't go the extra mile because they are afraid of raising expectations.  Or the wife who never experiments with new recipes in case her husband gets angry that his meatloaf and mashed potatoes are nowhere to be found.  What about the young child who is afraid to tell the truth because they don't want to be punished?  (sidenote: recently my princess was instrumental in me discovering that "the boy" was continuing to get up to no good.  I know she must have struggled between tattling on her brother and being truthful to me, not wanting either of us to be upset, but having used her common sense to think things through she realized that physical safety and health take precedence over access to her brother's CD collection.)

Rejection 

How come the only people who do not experience this fear are those swarthy, somewhat greasy looking African men who hit on you (well, they certainly do it to me!).  They get in your face, ask you for your name, and within 10 minutes also your hand in marriage.   When you give them a fake name, a fake number (to which they insist on dialing right away and aren't even phased when your friend's phone starts ringing from the dancefloor.) Boy I wish I had that confidence when making a presentation in front of a room of 400 people.  We don't apply for the jobs we want because we're afraid of being told we're not good enough. We're afraid of going for the guy that ranks a 10, because we think that as an 8, we're only worthy of 8 or less.  (another sidenote: I only use the term "we" because I am an inclusive writer.....BUT believe me, I am by no means saying that I am only an 8, I mean c'mon....me and my double D's are at least a 9 and a half).

Everytime I think I've survived the scariest storm, some other devastation affects my life, and the flood waters rise again.  Yes, this is a very scary world we live in.  From having to worry about ourselves, our families, our friends, and also how strangers can affect our lives, we may as well just sell our furniture, build panic rooms, and live off Snicker's and Kool-Aid the rest of our lives.   While I may not necessarily want to eat giant cockroaches on Fear Factor to overcome my panic triggers....I refuse to live a sheltered life that robs me of living, loving, and feeling.  

Final thought: 

I want to give a gold star to the person who first used the term "Boo" as a term of endearment.  He probably had a massive phobia of ghosts, and took control back by turning a frightening expression, into a really corny nickname for his girlfriend. (Who probably looked like a ghoul at night with her head wrap and green clay mask on). 

(Ok, so this video isn't exactly the most relevant example of conquering fear, because nah sah I ent standin' up in a massive flock of bats, BUT, I really like this scene in Batman.....and fcuk it, I'm the author,I'll post what I want!) Lol.

Soul Kitchen: "An Evening at Natalie's" w/ Jon B

From the Man that brings you:    

AMNESIA - ICON - re: CONNECT - BIG PEOPLE FETE

Welcome to Soul Kitchen: "An Evening at Natalie's"

Special Guest Appearance by R'n'B sensation Jon B.

Respect the Name.

On Friday, February 19th, 2010, Ian Andre Espinet set out to recreate that familiar smooth vibe that permeated through our television screens each every week at the end of the classic 90’s police show, New York Undercover.  If you were a fan of the show, (if you weren’t, then you must need to loosen your head wrap) you would know that Malik Yoba as Detective J.C. Williams and Michael DeLorenzo as Detective Eddie Torres, Patti D'Arbanville-Quinn as Lt. Virginia Cooper, and Lauren Vélez as Nina Moreno often ended their shift at Natalie’s, a hip R’n’B cafe where a popular recording artist would perform live. 

The special guest selected for this edition of Soul Kitchen (that has become the defining R’n’B party for the city), was none other than Jon B, an absolute ladies’ favourite.  Known for songs such as “Someone to Love”, “They Don’t Know/Are You Still Down”, and “Don’t Talk”, this event was a guaranteed sell-off.  

With men and women dressed to the nines, the dynamic team of Kid Kut and Jester of the X-Caliber Entourage took us on a musical journey that reminded everyone in HOME nightclub located at 117 Peter St. (which for one evening very well could have been in Manhattan as it encompassed all the vibe of Natalie’s) that the tie that truly binds us all is in music. 

As the evening progressed, the anticipation grew as we looked forward to our eardrums getting a musical massage by the sweet voice of Jon B.  Drinks were flowing, dancefloor was packed, ladies looking sweet, (men looking sweeter!), and THEN......it happened. 

The most unfortunate set of circumstances an event producer could be faced with, happened just 5 minutes before the performance was set to begin.  As a result of a fire panel malfunction at the club located beneath HOME nightclub, it became necessary to comply with Fire Marshall Protocol that the entire building would have to evacuate, including the patrons of Soul Kitchen.   While confusion amongst the crowd lasted only 5 minutes, a very calm and methodical evacuation began, but not before Ian in a very respectable gesture, offered full refunds to anyone who had purchased tickets at the door, while pre-purchased tickets could be refunded at point of sale. This I found to be a remarkable act, as attendees had benefited from a good 3.5 hrs of partying already. 

Jon B. himself was very gracious, and addressed the crowd directly and stayed on stage indulging photographers while the evacuation took place.  

I will not at this time offer my customary Darling Nicky highlights and lowlights, but I will say this:

• I was promised a night of sweet R’n’B music, which I got courtesy of Jester (the DJ).

• I was promised the ambience of Natalie’s from New York Undercover, and I got it.

• Hundreds of people had a fun night out dancing, drinking, and connecting with friends, AND they got to do it for free as refunds are being issued for all purchased tickets.

• Ian Andre Espinet was faced with an event producer’s nightmare, but he NEVER let us see him sweat.

Darling Nicky’s Final Thought:

Tell me when the next Soul Kitchen is, and I will be there.  Even if I have to bring my own fire hose!

Written by Nicky Phillips a.k.a. Darling Nicky of www.darlingnicky999.com
**Please note that I was covering this event as a freelance writer, and that even under less than favourable circumstances, my role is to document the evening exactly as it happened.

Not only is this one of my favourite songs by Jon B, but also the title is particularly appropriate.
"Don't Talk".  Just be happy that Toronto has the best parties in the world.

Milk, Bread, and a Pound of Flesh

"An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind." - Mahatma Ghandi

"While you are meditating revenge, the devil is meditating a recruit." - Francois de Malherbe

"Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you." - Austin O'Malley

If you've been following my posts regularly, then you more than know that in difficult situations, I will try (and I will try to implore you) to always take the high road and make choices that speak to your character and strength, rather than your pain.  BUT, there is definitely circumstances where I truly believe Shylock was onto something when he vehemently insisted that he get his "pound of flesh" from the defaulting Antonio (The Merchant of Venice).  Sometimes, someone in your life will do you so wrong that rather than looking for the silver lining, all you want to do is look for an ice pick and the person's jugular.  

Revenge is a dish that's better served cold.  So, if you are seeking revenge because you are a scorned lover for instance, this will be more effective once all feelings of desired reconciliation have been laid to rest and you can deal with the facts at hand (such as: YOU FCUKED ME MUTHA FCUKA AND YOUR HEAD WILL LOOK GREAT PERCHED ABOVE MY FIREPLACE!) When people hurt us, (and please note that it is really only possible to be hurt by someone you really care about otherwise you would just feel indifferent), it can consume your very being. Every minute of every day can be spent agonizing and trying to dissect why this person would hurt you, and what could you have possibly done to be treated this way.  

Revenge comes in varying degrees as well.  There's the "small time" revenge, whereby you set fire to the odd bits of clothing your punk-ass of an ex-boyfriend left at your house just before he decided to tell you he's really not that into you. (I'm sorry, is that not considered small time? Did I mention that he decided to tell you this after a round of mind-blowing s-e-x?).  Or, there's the "medium grade" revenge, where perhaps you still receive your asshole ex's mail at your house, and when his summons to jury duty comes through, you conveniently forget to pass it on.  And lastly there's the BIG TIME revenge, whereby much like Tiger's wife Elin, you come to find out that your partner not only "does Dallas", but does Paris, Milan, New York and Miami (and we're not talking Fashion Week here).  So like any sane warm-blooded person, you sell his/her's entire collection of vintage wine/rookie cards/couture dresses/renaissance period art for 50 cents on eBay.  

I guess what I'm trying to say is that a little revenge (read as: redemption) is not a bad thing because if you behave like a doormat, you will get stepped on. I remember one time, a girlfriend of mine was so sick and tired of her man taking pictures of pretty girls while they were away on vacation, that she hid his memory card for the rest of the trip, and it suddenly reappeared on the plane ride home. Ooopsie.  Another girlfriend of mine, replaced her man's rolled joints with ones filled with kitchen herbs.  (He end up blaming the guy that gave it to him).  I've known people to hide dog shit in glove boxes, put hair removal cream in body lotion bottles, pay personal visits to said jump-offs, and yes, the infamous tire slashing. 

Final thought:

Revenge. rEVENge.  Notice how at the centre of revenge is the true purpose.  To get even. I actually believe that "revenge" stands for "redemption EVEN-tually". Why the hell should somone do you dirty, and get away with it.  If George W. Bush had have said to the American public when the World Trade Center was levelled by terrorists that he WASN'T going to retaliate against Afghanistan and invade the Middle East and make them pay for their crimes on humanity with their weapons of mass destruction....lawmakers would have passed a bill to impeach him for simply being a p*ssy.  So ladies, when your man runs up a $3000 phone bill talking to next gyal and you bust him, go ahead and put ashes in his coffee.  And dudes, when your girl tries to tell you she was at the mall with her girlfriends when you done know she was at your boy Tyrone's crib getting "personally acquainted", go ahead and tell her when she gets home how bad you feel for your boy Tyrone b/c you heard he just got syphilis.  Personally, I don't need the whole pound of flesh, I'm satisfied with a just a few ounces. 

BIG MAN TING!

It is so heart warming to know that right across the music industry, artists/managers/producers/promoters are taking a closer look at how they are being represented in print.  An art form nearly lost on our generation,the written word is the oldest method of documenting facts so they become our history.  Or in many cases, our legacy. 

Please watch this video interview of Toronto reggae sensation Trinity Chris with Nikki Clarke on "And The Beat Goes On" aired on www.ThatChannel.com, who in the second half of the interview, thanks me personally for telling his story as it should be in The "Official" Biography of Trinity Chris (to be released soon on www.trinitychris.com). 

Planning a Funeral

“True friends stab you in the front.” - Oscar Wilde

“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.” - Clifton Fadiman

“true friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not.” - Unknown Author

RIDE or DIE.  3 simple words that clearly illustrate (and answer) the pinnacle question, "Are you with me or against me no matter what?"

Friendship has so many stages.  And the mistake we often make is that we always assume that the stage we are at from our vantage point is reciprocated by the other party.

1. Total and complete strangers
2. Online acquaintance (new stage since inception of internet chat rooms and social media)
3. Actual acquaintance (have had face to face encounters)
4. Friends LITE (increased communication, common social gatherings, good place to add in "fcuk-buddy" - listen I'm just being real, don't act like you don't know.)
5. Friends INTERMEDIATE (regular communication and interaction, core group)
6. Friends ADVANCED (prioritization, inner circle, trust - "fcuk buddy" action needs to stop here or else you will be perceived as being in a relationship, #jussayin')
7. Friends POST-GRADUATE (elite circle, vaulted trust, impenetrable bond)
8. BFF (best friends forever, like being the same person just in separate bodies, almost adheres to the same vows as marriage except you don't share finances.)

I have a wide assortment of friends who sit at all points of the spectrum.  You need to have that because if everybody was your "BEST" friend, there wouldn't be enough of you, and if everybody was kept at arm's length, you'd be very lonely.  As this post will be published on Valentine's Day, I shall dare to bring up a valuable lesson that I have learned from concrete experience.  As romantic and dreamy as it sounds to have your romantic partner ALSO be your best friend, in the long run it's probably not the best idea because when issues arise that stifle the romantic component of the relationship (like he/she cheated, he/she lied, he/she watches too much internet porn, etc.) -  sidenote: HAHAHAHA! - you also lose your best friend because it can be very difficult to separate the two roles.  

In real friendships, there should be some feelings of "bullet-taking" in there (this is where the "die" part in "ride or die" fits in).  If you don't care enough about someone else's feelings to put them ahead of your own, then perhaps you aren't qualified to have friends and should just go back to being strangers with everyone.  No one likes to have to constantly look over their shoulder to see if their "friends" are stabbing them in the back.  If this was a life skill that God had wanted us to be equipped with, he would have put actual eye sockets in the back of our heads.  (Dammit, there goes my M.A.C. tab, twice as much eye shadow to buy).   

Being a good friend is NOT about who you go out with the most, who you tweet with the most, or who you share the most secrets with.  A good friend is someone whose friendship thrives despite those things.  A good friend will not listen to your problems, only to come back at you with a problem to trump yours.  They will take the time to sit and thoroughly (and genuinely) help you solve yours.  A good friend will tell you if the jacket they want for themselves truly does look better on you.  A good friend will turn down a big social gathering to spend quality time with you if that's what you need.  A good friend respects the traffic rules, and will not throw you under a bus. A good friend NEVER has to tell you that they are a good friend.  It's simply understood.

Nobody is perfect.  There are all kinds of accidental missteps that happen within a friendship.  Life can lead you in a different direction that diminishes your ability to nurture a friendship the way it should be, but if it's solid and real, it will survive. I moved to a different country for work, very suddenly, and became very bogged down with the job and family life that several friendships were neglected due to sheer lack of time (and also my priorities had shifted), but let me tell you, the friendships that were real survived in spite of it. That is how I know who is truly RIDE or DIE in my life. 

Final thought:

The easiest way to kill a friendship is to betray them.  So if you want the instantaneous combustion of a relationship with someone, here's what to do:

1. Tell lies about them.
2. Disregard their privacy
3. Throw them under a bus
4. Use them for personal gain
5. Lie to them to their face
6. Manipulate them in your favour
7. Now start planning a funeral, because you will have KILLED the friendship. Dead.

Please watch this video, and remember how you felt when you were like 8yrs old and listened for the first time.  Don't lie - you loved this song too.

The Choice of a New Generation "Y"?

 

“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” - Sophia Loren

“A mother's love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking” - Helen Rice

“Mothers of Teenagers Know Why Animals Eat Their Young” - Unknown

 

I have no idea which is worse.  Being a teenager, or raising one.  When exactly did it turn from "apple of my eye" to daily "eye stabs"? On many levels, my being 34 and "the boy" being 15 has proven to me that apart from the chronological age difference, our lives aren't so dissimilar.  He goes to school and wishes the day would fly by, I go to work and wish the same thing.  He checks his Messenger multiple times a day, I check my Twitter *ahem* a few times a day.  (Don't mind me, lightening just struck).  He moans and groans when he has to do chores he doesn't like, I moan and groan for the same reason.  And lastly, he doesn't always use the best judgment.......and well, indeed, neither do I.

If you read my post "Call Me Nutri-Lawn", you know the one where I discovered that teen spirit smells unmistakably like weed, then you know my troubles of parenting a teenager have begun.  I don't know why just 15 years after I was a teen myself, the same challenges/tempatations/pressures that he's faced with now seem so foreign to me. Foreign is a strong word.  I guess the *gasp* is (other than the stench of teen spirit) that what he is met with at age 14 (and 11 months), I wasn't met with until age 17 (and 2 months, lol).  Let's think about this for a second.  At age 15, I was incapable of operating a motor vehicle, but just 4 short years later, I was mixing formula, paying rent, filing income tax, AND carrying a car note for a vehicle that as I said, just 4 years earlier I was too young to drive! But now that my offspring is of that precarious age where he wants to toe the line of being both a child and a grown-up, I find myself becoming the woman I swore I would never be........my own mother.  

It's utterly remarkable how when it is your own child, the militant point of view that you take when you see issues arise on TV or in the movies, is a thousand times more difficult to execute when all you see when you stare into those adolescent eyes of oblivion is the bouncing bundle of joy you were gifted with when he/she made his appearance out of the birth canal.  How many times have I wanted to (hypothetically) wring my child's neck for some of the foolishness I am forced to deal with as a result of his poor judgment (or blatant desire to rebel?) but then proceed with restraint because if I think carefully enough, I went through similar trials and tribulations (i.e. drinking, smoking, skipping class, and please don't let me say it......s-e-x) and put my mom through many nights of worry I'm sure.  

With options like corporal punishment and boot camp not being at the top of my list of parenting techniques, let me be clear, that I am a firm believer in "tough love".  However, whether I'm in the minority or not, the keyword for me is "LOVE".  My son is a young black male who like the overwhelming majority of children these days, is growing up without the guidance of a strong male figure.  And while it's exhausting at times wearing multiple hats, one thing is certain.....turning my back on him when he screws up is not an option.  Not that I don't recognize when he's just being a punk and deserves a swift kick in the rear, but these tender years where their brains are underdeveloped to process and rationalize the "big picture",  I may have to do some double-duty thinking, when he can't think for himself.  

I'm not concerned with being the most popular mother, or the coolest mother (I mean sh*t, it goes without saying).  I want to live up to my title and make sure that when he behaves like he doesn't need me, I'm there because that's when he needs me the most.  Many of you have met "the boy", and he's a charming, good-looking, talented, athletic young man.  And he didn't get that way because the TV babysat him.  I keep the prinicpal's number on speed dial, I DO check his homework, I chauffeur him where he needs to go to ensure he arrives safely, I........I love him.  But, no matter how much you love your child, you cannot save them from their own angst.  You can simply stand by with the life jacket. 

Final Thought:

I am of Generation X, and I gave birth to Generation Y.  Y do I have to be responsible? Y do I have to go to stupid art class?  Y do I have to button up my jacket?  Y do I have to introduce my friends to you? Y do I have to take out the garbage?  And on, and on....

Part of the boy's discipline tonight, was that he had to help me construct this post.  I deliberately misspelled words, so that he would have to read every word over again to catch the mistakes.  What good came of it? 

1) He wasn't on MSN

2) He practiced his grammar and spelling 

3) We got to work on something "together"

4) He has the reassurance that I love him, but the confirmation that if he wasn't 6 ft   tall, I WOULD put my foot in his ass.

Who Are You Calling "Black"?

 

Ever had someone comment, advise, or impose their views on your life (life situation/life circumstance) yet you stand their bewildered at their audacity because you know for a fact that THEIR situation is no better or maybe even worse than yours?  Here are a few of the examples that come to mind readily:

1)  Unless you married and remain married to the first person you ever dated/had a relationship with/slept with, you are NOT a relationship expert.  As I said in my previous article The Geometry of Love - "'love' in itself is a state of being that is not governed by any rules that make it right or wrong..." therefore, it becomes one of the only states of being where you can expect to make repeated and eye-stabbing mistakes over and over (and over) again.

2) Do not sit there and judge somebody else on their financial situation when you yourself are in arrears on your rent and are facing eviction.  Women everywhere use shopping as a coping mechanism to deal with personal trials and tribulations (often to do with a man) whether they realize it or not.  Woman gets dumped, woman sheds tears, woman heads to mall.  Believe me, this is written somewhere, perhaps David Suzuki should have covered it in "The Nature of Things". 

3) Do not pass judgement on a person's spirituality.  A measure of someone's spiritual faith is not measured by the number of appearances they make at church/synagogue/temple.  Many alcoholics indulge their condition without ever stepping foot into a bar.  Many over-eaters  are morbidly obese without ever having eaten at a restaurant.  So it is very conceivable that a very religious or spiritual person can have an unwavering relationship with the Lord without ever having stepped into a building that started with "Saint". 

4) When I was growing up, especially in high school, the son or daughter of either a teacher/principal or guidance counselor was always the most fcuked up of the bunch.  So while their "job" was to tell me about myself (don't skip class, don't succumb to peer pressure, don't "follow" the crowd, etc.) I'd look out the window of the school office and see their kid in full goth apparel complete with safety pinned leotards and spiked mohawk, smoking in the pit. 
So call me hard-headed if I didn't see you as the MOST qualified to tell me how to steer my life choices. 

I don't know if this is unique to women, BUT, ladies will be the first people to tell you your dude is a dog (or some other derogatory species) all the while they are concealing the cuts and bruises garnered from their own "gem of a man" each and everyday with theater grade make-up.  Truly ladies, the reason it is called a "glass house", is because we can see clearly what's happening.  Just because you've decided to abandon the use of Windex to see your reality, doesn't mean the outside world can't see in.

There is a fine line between offering support and passing judgment.  There is NO place for judgment in friendship.  If there is, it could be an indicator that it's time to evaluate if, as friends, your values remain enough in alignment to continue to find ways to support one another.  If you read back to Headbangers, this was a classic example where my values no longer aligned with that particular friend, and I was no longer able to support her (or her choices).  

Final thought:

We all go through some sh*t in our lives.  We all cope with things in different ways.  My hair is long and curly, your hair is short and straight. When someone whom you know has it NO better off than you, dares to point fingers without offering some decent insight, do not state the obvious "pot calling the kettle black", but ask, "B*tch, who you callin' black?"

The Geometry of Love

Love is a complicated endeavour to begin with.  Can you imagine what it's like when you love TWO people at the same time?  Well apparently you can, because the overwhelming majority of my respondents on Twitter said YES, it is indeed possible to love two different people at the same time.  Not that I'm in the habit of divulging my opinion on such topics one way or another, but let's just say in this case, majority rules.  

In Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married", he really explores/explains the concept that NO mate is ever going to be 100% of what you want/need, but rather closer to 80%. With the right attitude, you can live a very happy fulfilling life with someone that meets 80% of your needs.  (Shoot, if you're really honest with yourself, YOU don't even live up to your own expectations 100% of the time, so why should somebody else?) True enough, that leaves you with 20% of your needs not met by your primary mate, and heaven forbid you should do without, so what do you do?  You find it in someone else.  Now before you start assuming the worst, I am not necessarily talking about cheating.  This fulfillment can come in many forms, a business partnership, a shared hobby, or even through a collaboration for a great cause.  The funny thing about human beings however, is that:

a) we have a tendancy to manifest a variety of feelings into sexual attraction
b) we tend to allow sexual attraction to overule compatibility and
c) we are never satisfied with what we have and always want what we don't.

So with those variables in place, it goes without saying, many of us have found ourselves in love with (or at least "think" we are in love with) more than one person at the same time.  And because morally, this doesn't align with our so-called values, we place the unreasonable pressure on ourselves to have to choose one or the other (or the other or the other if you've decided to chop up the remaining 20% into 5 or 10% increments).   There was an episode of Friends where Joey's Dad was found to have had a mistress and when Joey guilted his Dad into giving her up, Mrs. Tribianni (Joey's mom) was upset because the mistress filled a void in the Dad's life that made him a better husband to her.  (you with me?)  Mrs. Tribianni recognized that she couldn't be EVERYTHING to Mr.Tribianni and that this other woman filled he missing 20%.

I realize this is a very sensitive topic, as there will be the staunch conservatives that say NO WAY can you be in love with two people at the same time, and the extreme opportunists who will see this as a way to get a free pass to cheat and trollop down di place.  But that's not really what's it about either.  You may be attracted to small, slim, petite men/women AND also be attracted to taller, healthier, plumper men/women.  You may like strong, silent types AND vocal, outgoing types.  Relationships are: whatever the individuals involved define it to be.  Nothing more, nothing less.  I guess as I get older, and have experienced  all kinds of different twists  and takes on the human condition, one thing is very certain....do not judge a book by it's cover (for what you think could be a Harlequin romance novel could really be a science fiction about the End of the world).  

Final thought:

So pizza is your absolute favourite food, and you could eat it at least 5 days a week and not get bored. Does that mean that you don't equally salivate when T-Bone steak is placed in front of you?  Are you a traitor to pizza lovers everywhere when you sink your teeth into the juicy charred flesh of a slab of beef grilled to perfection?  Marriage is a set of boundaries we "choose" to place on ourselves as a means to celebrate/elevate a love for ONE person as being superior over anyone else. However, "love" in itself is a state of being that is not governed by any rules that make it right or wrong and does not have a limit like a grocery store dollar sale.  


New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle
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Shopping for Sheep's Clothing

 

Ever wonder why expressions such as "a wolf in sheep's clothing" exist? For the simple fact that somebody (many somebodies) went through something that taught them a valuable lesson, and these little sayings are catchy enough to remember so that if it can be helped, YOU don't have to go through the same thing too.  Now I'm not in the habit of making up catchy phrases (ok, yes, I do that too), but in this medium I prefer to take a few paragraphs to shed a little light on sh*t that either you, me or we are going through.   So today boys and girls, we are going to talk about "wolves".  

The Business Wolf:

This is the person with whom you have a business arrangement with, whereby they promise to deliver a certain service (basically any service that you could not perform yourself therefore you had no choice but to subscribe to their provision of services) and whereby you render payment for said services.  Sounds pretty simple. I mean we do this kind of thing everyday.  I go to McDonalds, order my food, and they have it for me in under 2 minutes.  We both lived up to our end of the bargain.  So why is it, that in business situations, some individuals would risk their professional reputation by non-compliance of agreement, knowing that they're primary source of business is word of mouth.  There are a few professions that thrive mainly off referrals such as real estate agents, hairstylists, private mechanics, photographers, housekeepers, chefs, etc.  In these types of professions, it is never about how much money you make off a single job, but the satisfaction of each and every customer to ensure you secure future jobs.  Success in these cases is highly dependent on what "the last guy" says about you.  Did you know that DELL computers and AOL were knocked off their respective thrones as the cream of the crop of their categories by a single disgruntled customer.  All it takes is to piss off the one person who has a voice of influence for the castle to come crumbling down.

The Social Wolf:

This is the person who befriends you, says all the right things, makes you feel good, and worms their way into your inner circle.  Only then do you find out that their motives were alterior.  This one hurts a lot because you have nothing but your own kind soul and lack of judgment to blame for the scar left by this wolf bite.  As cynical as a society as we "should" be, most of us continue to be relatively naive, and assuming that people aren't who they say they are is usually the farthest thing from our minds.  I am very lucky that many of my readers also know me in person, and can vouch that I am the type that bends over BACKWARDS for people.  Even if I don't know you or don't like you, I will help you if you need it.  That comes from a very strong belief in the Lord, and in moments of need, we are all God's children.  I'm the one who will drive everyone home from a late night event even though I'm tired myself, and never chases people for gas money (and YES many of you owe me!) I'll let you talk about your problems until we're both blue in the face, and still stand by your side even when your not strong enough to keep your word.  I can be quoted as saying that "Friendship is like a bank account. You can't continue to draw on it without making deposits."  So it's about time you laid some traps for all the "social" wolves in your life.  I know I called Animal Control today.

The Romantic Wolf:

Ladies and Gentleman, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but.....if you hit the skins on the first or second date, it's probably NOT true love.  Honestly, it's probably not even true like.  And if it weren't you, it would have been somebody else.  As human beings, we are so programmed to want to feel/be loved.  It is this encryption in our DNA that makes such accidental whores out of so many people.  The constant quest to belong to someone.  This one is so funny to me, because this wolf is the easiest to call out.  There is NO way that he/she is serious about you if:

• Your name is not allowed to be mentioned in mixed company
• You cannot be seen "romantically" in public places
• You get a "Happy Birthday" email instead of a phone call
• If within moments of engaging in indulgent "night movements" with you (which may not have even been at night because you are probably not the bonafide), he/she is referencing (read as: pining) about their ex and how much they miss them. *eye stab*
• Back door entry only (no you madheads, I don't mean "that" back door).  I mean not good enough to be invited to the front door.

Final thoughts:

Don't beat yourself up if you've been fooled by a wolf in sheep's clothing.  It has happened to the best of us, sometimes repeatedly.  It is more a testament to their ability to deceive, then it is yours to believe.   But don't worry, in 2010, we take the blinders off.  We help each other take them off.  Wolves can run, but they can't hide.  At least not forever. Isn't it funny that you never see PETA protesting because someone was spotted wearing "wolf".  (I guess even they know that not all furry animals were created equal).