How Many Nails Can One Coffin Have?

Have you ever felt like someone in your life enjoyed pressing your buttons?  That despite how good things are, for sheer shock value (read as: ability to control a situation) they like to antagonize you and draw a negative reaction out of you?  Have you ever felt that someone who cared about you (and whom you care about in return) continually did things to push you away? Eventually you reach your rope's end because people (sane people of sound mind, body and spirit) do not like being taken on emotional roller coaster rides daily just because the other party has a twisted fantasy that LIFE is their amusement park.

I am widely known for being a very loyal friend and companion.  I have also learned through my experience that not everyone knows how to deal with that loyalty because THEIR experience has tainted them into believing that people of today's society simply cannot set or adhere to self-imposed boundaries.  So, when met by a foreign kind of limitless loyalty, it is feared and perhaps even shunned.  People are funny.  They want what they want from you - BUT they self-loathe at their dependency on it.  We all have that one friend that we know is bad for us, but like a moth to a flame, we are so drawn to them that we tolerate from them what we would not tolerate from anyone else.

My inner circle of friends is pretty small. I keep it that way not for a lack of people to love or amazing friends but quite the opposite.  In fact, I consider myself one of the luckiest women in the world to know so many truly amazing people and to feel cared for and loved (a journey which has taken many years because to feel loved, one must feel safe in an environment of trust and we all know that in both relationships and friendships - those "environments" are hard to come by).  But I am a strong believer that there MUST be tangible and visible cues to let those that you keep in highest regard feel certain in knowing the position they have in your life.  That is how I establish emotional security for the other party.  I mean, how safe can you really feel in someone's life if you feel like the trust, support and experiences you reserve for only them are not held sacred and that they are capable of reproducing that "safety" with any and everyone.

The people that have claimed to love me, have always been the ones that have hurt me the most.  Typically in the form of taking advantage of my loyalty.  It's this whole disgusting and ungrateful attitude that "Nicky will always be there".  Yes - I will always be there so long as I have purpose and am respected and appreciated for what I bring to the table.  The moment that I am made to feel redundant, my self-respect supercedes my desire to be loyal.  So as people unnecessarily test my limits, eventually an end will be reached.

How many nails can one coffin have?

The Ethic of Reciprocity is so simple - One should not treat others in ways that one would not like to be treated himself.

You can have most anything you want in life (in love, life and career) if you simply project the things you want.  If you want people to greet you warmly and enthusiastically, then YOU need to greet people warmly and enthusiastically.  If you want to build a strong network of support, you have to be willing to support others.  If you want to be loved, you have to open yourself up and dare to love someone the way you want to be loved in return.  The life processes that we hold dearly to us are orbital.  What you do and how you treat others WILL come back to you.  Usually not right away, but once the cycle has had time to make a revolution.  So a wrong that you inflict on someone today, may not have life-shattering consequences tomorrow, BUT in time, when you are on your merry way basking in your comfort, the reciprocal "wrong" will come back onto you 10-fold.  It's all but guaranteed.

Final Thoughts:

Everytime you allow someone to hurt you without consequence, you add another nail to your own emotional and spiritual coffin.  How many nails does one coffin have to have before you are dead inside? Or on the other hand, maybe YOU are the murderer.  One to grow on. 

Darling Nicky Quiz 2011 - The Big Comeback

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

WHAT IS THE AURA?


The aura is the electromagnetic field that surrounds the human body (Human Energy Field-HEF) and every organism and object in the Universe.  The Human Energy Field as a collection of electro - magnetic energies of varying densities that permeate through and emit or exit from the physical body of a living person. These particles of energy are suspended around the healthy human body in an oval shaped field. This "auric egg" emits out from the body approximately 2-3 feet (1 metre on average) on all sides. It extends above the head and below the feet into the ground. [1]


So, for those of you that know - I am a Scorpio and we Scorpios are known for having deep relationships with our spiritual selves.  Spiritual does not mean religious, it means our relationship with ourselves, others and the Universe.  Whether it be reading horoscopes everyday or being a little superstitious and not stepping on sidewalk cracks out of fear of breaking our mother's backs, I embrace my curiosity and faith in higher powers. (But that's just me, and you don't gotta be like me).


Despite my intrigue to continually fuel my quest for the deepest truths about myself and the people in my life that shape me, I am skeptical (almost cynical) about anything that looks "too-good-to-be-true".  So, anytime I have come across those ads for "fortune telling", "psychic readings", or "spiritual healing", I've bypassed them everytime because no matter how big my curiosity, my sound knowledge in knowing that NOTHING is more powerful than the mighty dollar in an opportunistic world always supercedes.


BUT, I was at The Ex (the CNE - Canadian National Exhibition) yesterday, and just before leaving at around 9 p.m., I was drawn to the well-illuminated booth that read "PSYCHIC READINGS".  I read the menu of services they were advertising: Palm readings, Tarot readings, Numerology, blah, blah, blah. I spoke to no one, as I had resolved in my mind that if I chose to after all these years of avoidance waste spend my money on one of these services, I wanted to ensure I didn't volunteer any information that they could build off of.  I was silent, until the moment I said, "I'll have that" and pointed to the Aural Photo Reading service.


I am not Hindu - so I don't know too much about chakras and all that stuff, but again, I saw my ignorance as a blessing so that I would be unable to read anything too deeply into what the psychic may tell me.  So, I had my photo taken, and they ran it through the "Aural Imaging" program which is just something that reveals energy fields (we ALL have them whether you're a believer or not).  So, when my photo comes out - this woman whom I've never met before in my life, whom I've said nothing more to than "I'll have that" proceeds to sit me down and tell me who I am.  To a tee.  (I am still freaking out all this morning!)


95% of my Aura was GREEN
Relates to heart and lungs. It is a very comfortable, healthy color of nature. When seen in the aura this usually represents growth and balance, and most of all, something that leads to change. Love of people, animals, nature; teacher; social


5% of my Aura was WHITE
Reflects other energy. A pure state of light. Often represents a new, not yet designated energy in the aura. Spiritual, etheric and non-physical qualities, transcendent, higher dimensions. Purity and truth; angelic qualities.


My colour field was very large and extended way beyond the limitations of the 8 1/2 x 11 inch paper it was printed on.  This is what she told me: 

• I am a balanced happy person who is recovering from deep hurts from the past. (TRUE)
• I am in a phase of transformation, that I am NOT the same person I was 5 years ago, personally or professionally. (TRUE) 
• That I missed my first calling in the Health Care profession (TRUE - I attended college for registered Nursing, but chose NOT to actively practice as a Nurse)
• Communication is very important to me, but was the biggest challenge in my last relationship where I felt that I did all of the communicating, and my partner held back. (TRUE)
• That someone that I trusted and gave my heart to let me down and now I am very guarded. (TRUE)
• That I am with my soulmate right now, but because he has also been hurt in the past, it is taking longer to let down the walls completely. (Wow! OK).
• That the person that has my heart has also given their's to me, even if I can't see it yet. (Even more wow! OK)
• That I am creative, not in a visual way, but in an audible way.  (TRUE I guess - I don't paint, draw or do arts and crafts.  But I write creatively, speak creatively, and engage people in creative ways). 
• I don't sleep well.  That I carry my stress in my lower stomach and shoulders. (TRUE)
• That there are a LOT of people that support me, and there are also lots of people that pretend to support me for selfish gain, but are negative behind my back. (TRUE - except they only THINK it's behind my back, hehe).
• That my mother has faced similar struggles as me (although she has put up with more "garbage" than I have), and that we are becoming more and more alike. (TRUE)
• That like my mother, I would give the shirt off my back to the people that I love. (TRUE)
• That I am very good at what I do professionally (she guessed that my profession was in the Arts), but that I am not at my full potential. (TRUE)
• That my children adore me, but they worry about me. (TRUE)
• That my "true love" is here - and to trust my intuition.  (Really lady, you're killing me!)

Final Thoughts:

I don't know what to make of it.  Is it all a bunch of bologna? Or is there some validity in these kinds of readings.  I know people don't normally share their personal results like this - but I am not embarrassed for being human.  There's some good stuff in there, some not-so-good stuff, but at the end of the day, it's just me - and I can't run from that.  If anything - I walked away feeling more certain than ever to trust myself, because none of what she said was untrue - but just really freaked me out that this stranger concluded all of that off my photo. It's true what they say - a picture really is worth 1000 words. 


[1] http://www.reiki-for-holistic-health.com/auracolormeanings.html

FBI #2 - "Men In Black" - The Grenada Edition

 

 

FBI #2 - Men In Black - De Grenada Edition

September 10th, 2011

at
Continental Soiree

1957 Kennedy Rd.

Live Performances by: 

TallPree 

Lavaman

Brother B

Music by: 

Soca Warrior Crew

Soca Sweetness

LoudMout Chiney

Junya Menace

Soul Vibes

Ms Dj Revz

Hosted By: 

Botzie & Dirty Dez

$5 Dollars before 11 p.m.

19+

Dress to Fete

Arrive early to avoid disappointment

Three Little Words

Let me preface by saying I'm embarrassed to admit I even know what "DTF" means because all it confirms is that I (in my 30-something maturity) have watched an episode (or 20) of Jersey Shore.  But on the real, I am feeling more and more like "Down To Fcuk" has replaced "I Love You" as this generation's most popular 3 word sequence.  What the heck is everyone doing?

I'm not a prude in any way, shape or form, but really....asking me if I'm DTF as casually as asking me if I'd like to upsize my fries is just well......gross.  Feelings of some kind play a role in the quality of said fornication, so surely people aren't so desperate to get laid that they can't wait or put forth the effort to have some kind of connection with the potential "fcukee".  If you've ever had regettable (read as: forgettable) s-e-x, and then compared it to the jaw-dropping (literally...hehe), mind-blowing (blowing...hehe), and body-quivering (no witty insert comes to mind) sex that you have with someone that you are crazy about...you simply cannot imagine being touched by anyone else ever again.

Ladies well and know that if you play your position right, that is to say take the time to learn what your man wants, be prepared to make slight adjustments to technique as necessary, balance consistency with the element of surprise, oh - and bloody well learn to suck d*ck like a champ....your man will NEVER stray.  Mind you, you can't be a beeeyatch, nor can you expect that s-e-x alone is going to keep him (although it can often tip the scales in your favour when all else fails).  Conversely, we women expect a few things from our dudes as well.  Any man that has captured my soul has done so by (in addition to being wildly intelligent, dynamic, ambitious, courageous, enterprising, funny, and very masculine in his behaviour) doing whatever it takes to please me in the bedroom (or insert your preferred location of sexual acts here).

The best lover a girl could ever have is one who wants to make all her fantasies come true.  Not on his timetable, but on hers.  No woman likes to be rushed into doing things they are not comfortable with or unfamiliar with.  Sexual freedom comes with trust.  When you trust someone, you'd be surprised how well your body cooperates when engaging in things you've never done before.  I remember ages ago, the first time my dude and I had s-e-x, it was a little awkward and weird b/c the feelings didn't match the physical movements (meaning that we were already emotionally attached, but we waited a long time to consummate it so it was like two animals tearing at a carcass) but as time went on, he grew into an extension of me.  Someone who just knew my body so well that there were things I hadn't even dreamed would make me feel good, that he knew exactly how to do.

As a woman, the #1 factor that contributes to whether or not you have "Triple A" s-e-x or remedial s-e-x is your comfort with your own body.  If you don't love your body, you will fcuk up the whole flex.  NO man wants to worry about you pulling up the covers jus' so that tiny ripple of cellulite you think you are hiding goes unseen during your romping session.  News Flash - he's seen it. He doesn't care.  You'd be surprised in the name of a perfect sexual connection, how easily imperfections become the attributes you anticipate most.  Those love handles that had you sucking in your gut in the early days are the handles of love that hold you close now.  The unique fragrance that your partner emits when they've worked up a bit of a sweat becomes the perfume of your life.  Man, when you check for a person...being DTF is so much better!

Final Thoughts: 

The casualness of s-e-x these days is frightening.  I've heard horror stories of people going home with people they met the same night.  Might as well roll up to a McDonald's drive-through and ask for a Big Mac and a side of head.  Take time folks - enjoy yourselves.  Get to know each other.  Fall in love!  Afterall, weren't the original "Three Little Words" supposed to be I love you.

Wow looky-loo, another Three Little Words....

The Cake Boss

Ever known people that absolutely at every instance try to have their cake and eat it too?  For those of you young ones that don't understand the proverb, it simply means that it is unrealistic to want something but be unwilling to sacrifice something else to get it.  Quite literally, you cannot EAT the cake, and still expect to HAVE it.  You'll have eaten it and the plate will be empty.

I occasionally watch this TV show on A&E (or is it TLC, can't remember) called REPO GAMES.  It's a game show style reality show where these big burly muscle guys go to people's homes whose vehicles are up for repossession due to lack of upkeep on payments, and they offer them a chance to keep their cars by paying it off through asking them a series of popular culture trivia questions.  If the contestant answers just 3 our 5 questions correctly, they get to keep their car.  Even more ludicrous than the premise of the show, are the reasons many of these car owners have been remiss about paying their car note.  I can understand if they were laid off or unemployed, going through a divorce or battling an illness.  But to want to be a car owner and knowingly choose to squander your money at the casino, the strip club or the bar is just ridiculous. 

Another blatant example of cake hoarding are cheaters.  This guy once engaged me in conversation, went so far as to use my best friend's phone to call me, so in NO WAY trying to be on the down low about it.  We'd met very incidentally previously but he had no connection to me that could be used to open the door of personal conversation. When I stopped turning up at the place where he'd originally met me, he had to actively engage my friend to get to me.  He obtained my number, and began to pursue me.  I don't date (a lot) as it's not as high on my priority list as it used to be but if I have time, I'll hang out.  So we talked a few times on the phone and hung out in person a few times.  As friendly as I am, I remain pretty reserved about romance as I have had some painful moments and am more guarded than ever before - but I'm not stupid or blind.  This guy was really checkin' for me, and he was determined to see if he could wear down my walls.  (Lol - that don't sound right at all!).  Anyway, I'll admit that he was successful in at the very least opening the gateway of friendship with me, then after about 2 months, he decides to tell me that he has a girlfriend and they have lived together for 7 years.  Are you kiddng me?  Why di rass do you want me then?  Oh, right - cake hoarding.

I have another friend that continuously "needs" me for this thing or that thing.  I don't mind, afterall that's what friends are for.  In friendship, there should be no boundaries or limits to the loyalty - or else what is the reward in that?  Might as well just be everyone's acquaintance.  But where I get royally pissed off is how this friend likes to dictate HOW the help should come.  So not only do I get asked the favour, but I also get told how I should execute it.  And it's not no small thing either.  It's usually some very large, complex, BIG ass thing.  How you asking me for the ammunition, but yet want to be a shot-caller too? Cake hoarder.

If you have kids then you can relate to this one.  I have a teenager.  He's a very typical teenager: lazy, all about himself, and lacking any ambition about his future.  He's a nice boy, has only been in "trouble" one time that I know of (ok, maybe twice) and learned from his mistakes and moved on.   He has his SIN so he could get a part-time job if he wanted to (I started working at 13 so I have no idea what the heck he's waiting for) - but despite his own choice not to seek an income stream of his own, he always wanting something.  New clothes, hot kicks, the latest phone, gaming system, laptop, just anything that a kid could get their hands on. He could quite literally have anything he wants if he would put forth a little effort, but he's of the generation that wants everything for nothing.  Sorry kiddo - you can take that cake hoarding attitude back to from whence it came - and I'm going to get a DNA test because there is no way we could be related.  (Kidding, but *sigh*). 

My life has been a series of people wanting me to put their needs first, and my needs second.  Perhaps I have a sign on my forehead that says, "Abundantly nice person for use".  There have been  many times when I have asked people to come through for me, especially those whom I have helped (read as: made deposits into our relationship so large that I should not even question whether the support would be reciprocated if and when I needed it), BUT yet I am constantly disappointed.  I don't believe that it is because they are mean and don't care about me, it is simply that they are not willing to make the sacrifice they may need to.  People are greedy, there's no question about that.

Final Thoughts:

The things you want most in life are the things you should want to make sacrifices for.  If you want to buy a house, your ass saves your money for a down payment by cutting all unnecessary expenses like going to the bar, the strip club, and the brand name grocery store.  If you are in a relationship, you cannot want someone else without changing your situation.  If you expect support from others, you have to be willing to offer support in return.  You cannot introduce something NEW into the equation without taking something away.  There just isn't room for all that math!  Besides, if you keep eating all that cake, you're simply going to get too fat to enjoy it.