Have you ever felt like someone in your life enjoyed pressing your buttons? That despite how good things are, for sheer shock value (read as: ability to control a situation) they like to antagonize you and draw a negative reaction out of you? Have you ever felt that someone who cared about you (and whom you care about in return) continually did things to push you away? Eventually you reach your rope's end because people (sane people of sound mind, body and spirit) do not like being taken on emotional roller coaster rides daily just because the other party has a twisted fantasy that LIFE is their amusement park.
I am widely known for being a very loyal friend and companion. I have also learned through my experience that not everyone knows how to deal with that loyalty because THEIR experience has tainted them into believing that people of today's society simply cannot set or adhere to self-imposed boundaries. So, when met by a foreign kind of limitless loyalty, it is feared and perhaps even shunned. People are funny. They want what they want from you - BUT they self-loathe at their dependency on it. We all have that one friend that we know is bad for us, but like a moth to a flame, we are so drawn to them that we tolerate from them what we would not tolerate from anyone else.
My inner circle of friends is pretty small. I keep it that way not for a lack of people to love or amazing friends but quite the opposite. In fact, I consider myself one of the luckiest women in the world to know so many truly amazing people and to feel cared for and loved (a journey which has taken many years because to feel loved, one must feel safe in an environment of trust and we all know that in both relationships and friendships - those "environments" are hard to come by). But I am a strong believer that there MUST be tangible and visible cues to let those that you keep in highest regard feel certain in knowing the position they have in your life. That is how I establish emotional security for the other party. I mean, how safe can you really feel in someone's life if you feel like the trust, support and experiences you reserve for only them are not held sacred and that they are capable of reproducing that "safety" with any and everyone.
The people that have claimed to love me, have always been the ones that have hurt me the most. Typically in the form of taking advantage of my loyalty. It's this whole disgusting and ungrateful attitude that "Nicky will always be there". Yes - I will always be there so long as I have purpose and am respected and appreciated for what I bring to the table. The moment that I am made to feel redundant, my self-respect supercedes my desire to be loyal. So as people unnecessarily test my limits, eventually an end will be reached.
How many nails can one coffin have?
The Ethic of Reciprocity is so simple -