Ever feel like you're at a crossroads in your life, be it personal (uh...I guess I should probably respond to that marriage proposal I received last week) or professional (I want to shove this stapler up my boss' ass) or even spiritual (if Kabbalah is such a celebrity religion, they couldn't do a little better than a stringy red bracelet?) Sometimes, we are so concerned with choosing the right path for ourselves in life that we find ourselves waiting for some kind of sign from God or the Universe to validate our choices or point us in the right direction.
Why do we do this? Why do we not just do what feels right and let that guide our choices? Why don't we trust that whatever is meant to be, will be?
I was definitely someone who wanted to live my life reaching society driven milestones on my life's journey - perfect career, perfect family, 2.2 children, 6 weeks vacation (per year)...and I reached most of them. And I thought I was happy. I thought anything short of what I had attained in my life was simply not good enough. Until I didn't have those things anymore. And that is when I started to really LIVE.
Ever said to yourself, "If only I knew then what I know now...?", yeah, yeah, life would be so different. But it doesn't work that way. We know NOW what we learned by screwing up the first time, and how we can best ensure that our former pain was not in vain, is to take what we learned and apply it to our lives. I learned a lot about not letting love blindly guide me and to never allow my love for someone, no matter how intense, get in the way of my livelihood. Immortalized by Tupac Shakur (although I'm still working on a comparable equivalent to describe men - "...it's money over b*tches, cuz I gotta keep my mind on my riches."
But there is just something about finding Mr. Right - possibly even your true soul mate that makes you forget all the logic you've acquired, and has you at the mercy of intoxicating stares, electricity-charged touches, and words weighted with meaning. There are so many ways to make a living, but you really don't have a barrel of soul mates to choose from. There are always choices. The ones that "seem" right, and the ones that "feel" right. It may seem right to be heterosexual, but what if it feels right to love someone of the same gender? It may seem right to support a Black President if you are Black, but what if it feels right to support a candidate who shares your same political views. It may seem right to make an existing relationship work, but what if it feels right to be with someone else?
Life isn't supposed to be a cake walk, but it's also not supposed to be riddled with burden or strife. In the same way that pain is a physical manifestation of something going wrong with your body (yes - the shearing pain of melting skin means you shouldn't touch a hot stove top), and the discomfort and heartache you feel in a relationship that just isn't right for you anymore is a sign that it's time to move on. Sometimes we feel guilty about leaving something that isn't perfect, but not broken. Should I take this new, exciting job even though my current one is stable? Should I follow my instincts or should I fall short of fulfilment in the name of practicality?
When it comes to love, logic is a tricky factor that can prevent you from experiencing the BEST love ever. More and more arranged marriages are ending in divorce because let's face it - who wants to be with someone because your parents think it looks good on paper? Many couples convince themselves that they should remain together "for the kids' sake". Because fighting and sleeping in separate bedrooms is a better alternative than co-parenting with a healthy attitude from separate homes? I wasn't stupid - I knew that the person I conceived a child with at 18 was NOT my soul mate, and there was no way I was going to force that relationship to last and prolong the inevitable.
I'm a big believer in YOLO. Not the YOLO that makes you do foolish things like ghost ride, or skydive - but the YOLO that gives you permission to do what FEELS right! Your body's chemical reaction to things that bring you happiness, excite you, inspire you, unleash your creativity, arouse you, stimulate you, move you to action...are all the signs you need, to know if a change is right for you! We look for signs all the time, to essentially give us permission to do the things we already know we want to do. Going against our natural feelings, our natural instincts is an insult to the sophisticated internal programming we were born with.
I am a Scorpio, so therefore a procrastinator by nature - BUT, once I acknowledge what my instincts tell me, I become a go-getter. I am not afraid to read the signs in my life, and allow what is meant to be, to be. It may take me on some winding roads, but exciting stories make life far more rewarding than holding out for an unpromised happy ending. Your feelings are not by accident. When you FEEL, that's all the sign you need.